50 Shades of SoftPlay

50 Shades of SoftPlay

In this country there exists a subculture that is seldom spoken about however ever present it might be.
I am of course referring to the use of children’s play centres and family attractions for extramarital hook ups.

Gone are the days of the good old fashioned affair. Life seemed so much simpler if you would stay late in the office and sort cocaine out of a prostitute’s behind or invite the shirtless garden in for a cool refreshing drink.
But that the 90s and since then the internet and mobile technology has opened up a whole new dark world.
Now a liaison can be organised by a thumb swipe in any location at any time. The question “what do you like?” Has never yielded so many possibilities.
If I wanted a middle aged man dressed in nothing but an adult nappy on all fours in my living room I could probably make it happen within the hour.
The problem with being a modern parent is that in between school runs, birthday parties and everything else you have very little time to yourself. How on earth do people find the time for a cheeky little fumble?
Then I heard about a group of people who call themselves SoftplayMates. These people engage in what they call “PlayMating” which is basically hooking up with other SoftplayMates in soft play centres whilst their kids are distracted.
Sometimes liaisons begin quite innocently with a message like “Anyone fancy a kram in the car park at (play centre name)? #SoftplayMates”
But they can escalate to “MBA seeks MILT #SoftplayMate for fun in disabled toilet at (playcentre name)”
 I only became aware of this subculture of indecency whilst enjoying a flat white with a friend in our local softplay centre. I noticed a gentlemen in his mid 40s who was clearly not an employee of the establishment putting a “We’re sorry this bathroom is out of order” sign on a changing room door before entering.
Literally minutes later a women of similar age entered the changing room after a quick couple of taps on the door.
After about 20 minutes both individuals appeared one by one looking rather disheveled. There was also the undeniable aroma of marijuana in the air and it was clear that they ha both got redressed in a hurry.
It was only after I exclaimed “Did you just see that?!?!” To my friend that she explained the ins and outs of PlayMating to me. Quite how she came to know so much about SoftplayMates is beyond me but I have a feeling her iPhone app collection includes more that just Nike+ Running and Fitbit.

A very yummy mummy

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